Blog – Bob Joziasse Coaching

Emotions influences the way you see the world

𝗗𝗶𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗮𝗻 𝗲𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻, 𝗶𝘁 𝗶𝗻𝗳𝗹𝘂𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘀𝗲𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗹𝗱? For example, maybe you had a conversation that left you angry. The conversation keeps playing in your mind and the more you think about it, the more angrier you get. This affects how you talk to others, how you drive your car, and even how are you handle things don’t go well. Maybe you get annoyed quicker and irritated. Things don’t seem to work with you, but against you. Or fear. Let’s say you watched a horror movie that was really scary. After the movie ended, it can be that you are more aware of the dark places in the house. Maybe you want to check under the bed for no apparent reason. You know there is nothing, but your gut feeling says you need to check it anyway. 💠 Emotions influence us in how we see the world around us. 💠 Emotions communicate to us how we relate to our surroundings and situations. 💠 You don’t need to ignore your emotion, but it is important to acknowledge it and respect it. 💠 There are a lot of strategies on how to deal with emotions and how to regulate them. An emotion is a response to the world around us and it helps us understand what happens and how we relate to it. Being able to change your emotions or mindset can really help you get in the right state of mind. Especially when you need to make decisions, or need to do some thing that is challenging. Take the time to think about the positive things or even the things you want to achieve. Get enthusiastic, smile and really put yourself in a joyful state. You will see this will help you a lot, even if your choice didn’t work out as you wanted it, you still feel good about it.

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Don’t postpone what is important to you

𝗗𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗽𝗼𝘀𝘁𝗽𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂. We tend to overthink the things that make us more healthy, both physically and mentally. We ask ourselves if it’s worth the investment. Will it deliver the results quick enough, can we be satisfied right away. Well, think about it. It is not clothing that you buy, or a gadget. It’s a little piece of the map that is your life. A little piece of clarity, a direction and it can change everything. And if it doesn’t work out, at least you have that clarity too.

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I took the plunge!

𝑻𝒐𝒅𝒂𝒚 𝑰 𝒕𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒍𝒖𝒏𝒈𝒆. Well, that sounded more dramatic than it actually was. 😊 I was standing in the Atlantic, on the beach, and the water was waist high. The Atlantic is generally a bit cold, but today it was really good. While walking slowly into the ocean and feeling the water level rise, the tension of going fully submerged also rises. It’s not a big thing, but sometimes, when you postpone it long enough, you create this huge thing. It becomes more and more difficult to actually do it. If you want to challenge yourself, this is the way to go 😄. Just postpone it and it’ll get more difficult to do it! So I stood there and I actually thought to myself how interesting it is that I can make create such a big thing by just going about it very slowly and postponing the real step. I imagine it becomes almost impossible if I would keep going like this and thinking like this. My mind will make taking the step a bigger obstacle the longer I stay inactive. The funny thing is, last year I stood there on the same beach, thinking the same thing. But this time it was not about going under water literally, it was about taking the plunge and starting my own business. Submerging into the Atlantic was symbolic for me to making the decision to change my life. And just do it. Like the cold of the water, ‘just do it’ has an impact. Of course, making the step is just doing it, but you still feel it. There’s still a huge change. Like the hot temperature of the air into the cold temperature of the water, making a changing in your life can have a big impact too. It can disrupt and create chaos where there was structure. Like a multi sensory shock of suddenly submerging. Maybe you have been there too. If so, you know that, when you go under, maybe even scream (I do and it feels amazing), and emerge, the cold isn’t that bad anymore. You are able to swim, and enjoy the water. It gets easier, you adjust to the change. And so it is in life. Making the decision to change can be huge, but after the decision has been made and the first steps are taken, things will go easier. Even though the impact can be huge, you will deal with the change. Our mind is capable of handling that change. We are capable of handling the situation. Of course I had help. I had people that supported me and I even had professionals helping me out. Could I have done it by myself? Maybe, but this way it is much easier, faster, more fun and I can really focus on what is important to me. I can spend time on things that matter and create value. And I’m happy I took the leap! Being scared is an emotion that signals danger, or potential danger in this case. It’s not a risk to my life, I’m not in mortal danger, but nonetheless my mind perceives it as danger anyway. And the good thing is, I can deal with it. There are so many levels of danger and most are not the ones we need to avoid just because we’re scared. We can learn from them, grow and get richer in experience and wisdom. This makes us move, move on and move forward. And, you can always make new decisions, like getting out of the water. But in the end, it was not the water that was the problem… 😉

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If you can celebrate your failure, you know you are growing

🎉 Today I am celebrating the things that didn’t work out in my endeavor to set up my own business. It’s a matter of perspective to see if you lost or gained. But with this failure, by losing, I gained so much more insight. and for me, that is definitely worth celebrating! In the prototyping framework, that I use, failure and success are equaled when they are seen as data points. Failure and success are not good or bad, but important touch points within the process to see where you are. Like a returning sonar echo to pinpoint your location in unknown territory. Don’t forget to celebrate success AND failure! Both are incredible sources of knowledge and that is what growing is all about.

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FREE Highlights of your day template

𝗪𝗵𝗼 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗰𝘂𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗺-𝗱𝗲𝘀𝗶𝗴𝗻𝗲𝗱, 𝗙𝗥𝗘𝗘, 𝗽𝗿𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝗣𝗗𝗙 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗵𝗶𝗴𝗵𝗹𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗱𝗮𝘆? In my last live video, I talked about writing down the 𝗵𝗶𝗴𝗵𝗹𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗱𝗮𝘆. This way you can reflect back on those 𝗽𝗼𝘀𝗶𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗺𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘀 and engage in a more 𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗱𝗳𝘂𝗹𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀 approach for when you experience them. A couple of you asked me if there is another way of collecting these moments instead of using a notebook. So I got the idea of creating a 𝗽𝗿𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝘁𝗲𝗺𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗲 which you can hang up on the wall or next to the mirror, so you could track those moments and be 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘳𝘦𝘨𝘶𝘭𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘺. I use this method for different things, but it made a lot of sense to me to apply it to this as well. 😀 𝘼𝙣𝙙 𝙤𝙛 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨𝙚 𝙄 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙨𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙛𝙧𝙚𝙚! I’ve created a digital 𝗣𝗗𝗙 design that is easy to print on A4. If you want to download a copy, send me an email with the subject [FREE HIGHLIGHTS TEMPLATE]

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Why you need coaches

When I was young I had somebody to teach me how to play guitar. I had a coach for waterpolo, I had teachers at school for different courses and I had people to look up to for other aspects of life. As an adult I still want people to help me and share their knowledge and skills so that I can spend my time focusing on what I really want to get better in. 𝙄’𝙫𝙚 𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙄 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙙𝙤 𝙢𝙤𝙨𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙢𝙮𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛, 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙞𝙩’𝙨 𝙙𝙚𝙘𝙞𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙄 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙨𝙥𝙚𝙣𝙙 𝙢𝙮 𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙢𝙖𝙠𝙚𝙨 𝙢𝙚 𝙠𝙚𝙚𝙥 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙛𝙤𝙘𝙪𝙨 𝙤𝙣 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙞𝙨 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙞𝙢𝙥𝙤𝙧𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙢𝙚. I have invested in a health coach, a beachvolleybal coach, a music coach, a drawing coach, a burn-out coach, a yoga coach, a business coach and all the other online (mostly youtube) coaches I follow for my hobbies. If it wasn’t for them I could not have grown as much as I have right now in the time that I did it in. 🔅 Having a coach helps me fast track to results by focusing on what I want to learn and not needing to do all the research myself, 🔅 My coach helps me reflect and asks the hard questions so that I can identify the things that block me, 🔅 My coach holds me accountable and motivates me to keep going especially in the times when I’m losing sight of what I achieved already, 🔅 My coach helps me build my own personal map to get where I want to go so that I can follow my own path in an efficient way. I don’t need a coach for everything, I am really quite capable of figuring things out myself. And I like doing that, but sometimes it is not about doing the research, but about the process and/or the results. I am all about failing and why that is important, but it’s also important not to forget to learn from my failure in the right way. And sometimes somebody needs to help me see that. If you want to fast track to results, if you want to get better or if you want to learn and grow, don’t hesitate to invest in yourself. Always be mindful of what you want to achieve and figure out the right way to get there.

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Passion

‘A passion is not something you find, it’s something you create by doing something you like and getting better at it.’ Passion is an emotion, a strong desire that makes you feel amazing when you’re doing it. It’s not enough to only know what you’re passionate about, you need to act upon it to really be able to experience it. ✅ It lowers your stress levels. Remember, not all stress is bad. Stress is a mechanism for us to get energy and be more focused, but chronic, long-lasting stress can have huge negative side effects. Doing something you’re passionate about can increase the hormones to fight cortisol which causes stress. You will be much better at handling tense situations and relaxing afterward. ✅ It gives you more self-confidence because it’s about growth and not the result. Knowing this means you can still act and do your passion even if it is not something you are already extremely good at. The whole point is that you can challenge yourself while doing it. ✅ And there is a positive attraction. I’m not talking about some connection outside our control. Being optimistic and positive attracts others that are optimistic and positive. The human brain wants to connect with like-minded others. Getting excited when talking about something you’re passionate about attracts others to listen to you. They either share what you’re talking about, or they share the feeling. Sometimes it’s not the story, but the way you tell it. Aside from these three points, there are a lot of other benefits of doing your passions. And I’m talking plural here because there you can have multiple small and big ones. But let’s keep that for another post.

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Ask yourself: Does this make me happy?

I had a period in my life that took me very heavily. I felt that a lot of things went wrong, and no matter how much I struggled, I couldn’t seem to get it right. My life was not going as I thought it should be going. And it didn’t for quite some time already. It all added up in a terrible year and when things really collapse around me, I was left all alone in an empty, rented apartment. My relationship ended just before Christmas, and I really struggled to get through the days. Trying to start my life over was incredibly tough and I was totally overwhelmed by how to do this. I struggled with trying to be happy with what I had and what I do, but I was not able to accomplish that feeling. Not being able to be grateful for feeling fulfilled with what I did in my work or in my personal time. All my days were the same. I felt I was wasting time. I realized everything around me kept moving, but I was standing still. I was stuck. So the three biggest things I realized were; 💠 I did not feel fulfilled after spending a day doing things either professionally or personally. Before going to bed and looking back on the day it was not a day to be remembered. 💠 Every morning I woke up I felt empty and unmotivated. Knowing the day would not challenge me, I needed to get through it anyway. 💠 I felt panicked about missing out on life (anxiety). I felt like I needed to be somewhere, but I wasn’t there, and I had no idea how to get there. That dream where you need to run, but you feel this huge resistance holding you back. And this was draining my positivity… This was not how I wanted to live my life. And one morning, on the weekend, I knew things needed to change. I needed to change. And to change I needed to make different decisions. But that was easier said than done. How do you make decisions to change your life? How do you know which decisions to make or where to look for things to decide? As a software developer, I did what I always did, break things down into manageable pieces, manageable problems that can be solved. Make it simple. The smaller the pieces get, the easier it is to decide and the less impactful it is when you realize it was the wrong decision. You can just make another decision to correct it. But I always needed to have focus. “Does this make me happy?” I needed criteria, I needed benchmarks and I needed to know if I was going in a direction that would make me happy or if I needed to change something that was off course. And in the beginning, this was hard. I needed to get to know myself. And being alone really helped enormously. But the most important thing was to start with the mindset that I needed to be OK with me making mistakes. ‘Let me figure it out, and if I do it wrong, I will learn from it and I will correct it.’ And as soon as I was able to accept this, I was able to truly, honestly, look at myself and see what was important to me. Not how I wanted others to see me, but who I am. I was able to overcome the fear of trying out new things and the fear of failing. And it struck me as funny in an interesting way that when you’re not afraid of failing, you don’t really fail anymore. Not in the classical, old way anyway. Now, failure was good, preferred even. It gave me a chance to learn and grow. I started searching for new things, things to do that I didn’t know, things that would challenge me and make me grow. I tried so many things. And the trying-new-things became the hobby. And I failed in some, becoming frustrated even, but knowing that it was just data I could process and knowing my emotional reaction gave me more insight into who I am. I didn’t need to be successful all the time, no, the divergence in failure vs success is what gave me focus and momentum. One huge decision I made what starting to dive. I always wanted to do it, but I never got around to starting. I always thought that it was too expensive, and therefore postponing it indefinitely. It was more a dream than something I could undertake. And the more I dreamt of it, the more it stayed a dream. Something that you would love, but you know that you will never do because it’s a dream. I got too comfortable with that idea until I ‘woke up’. I found a course for the open water PADI Diving and I just signed up for it. This time, my dream became a reality. And on the hind side, it was so simple to just start it. I did the course in the Netherlands, a country not known for its clear waters or interesting underwater life. But what I learned was technique. Because there is a maximum of 4m visibility in the water, you really needed to use your compass and depth gauge to know where you are. You need to remember the map and always keep an eye on your buddy. All these rules and tools to help dive gave me so much guidance on getting better. It was exceedingly helpful to measure how you were doing. And the rewards were instant. My buoyancy improved and with it came the relaxation and control that I recognized with my instructors. During the advanced course, I met my current partner and we both shared our passion for diving. We expanded our water adventure to Thailand with its colorful fish and coral, the Maldives with the reef and whale sharks and mantas, and Portugal where we dove on multiple wracks (and we still do). And with a growing respect for the ocean, we participated in cleaning up the beach and whale shark research in the Maldives and we spent more time working on other projects for a sustainable environment whenever we can, the latest being in Tanzania. I have never stopped wanting to grow again. I’m always searching for new things and I’m passionately comfortable when things don’t work out. It’s not hard anymore to make different choices. Situations change, and I adapt, constantly. And this kind of control makes me feel good. It makes me feel happy and I can dedicate time to following that which I’m passionate about. I do the things I feel are important to me. And at the end of the day, I can look back and say to myself, this was a good day! I learned how to reflect on my challenges and to keep looking inwards to see how my behavior, my values, and my environment match. I am aware of what my passions are and I love seeking them out in any way I can.

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Public speaking about the Prototyping Mindset

If you are like me, you want to do a lot of things, a lot of different things. Thinking; “this is also very interesting” is a very common phrase going around in your head. You have many hobbies, and you start so many things but you don’t get around to finishing them. You like being busy and creative, to think and dream and you get inspiration from literally everywhere. But if you’re also like me then there are moments or periods when you are up against boredom. Those periods that you feel stuck, you know that there is something more or that you need to do something that you’re passionate about, but you cannot find it. You’re unable to feel that excitement when doing something you love. You are searching, but instead of enjoying what you do, you get frustrated and even get this panicky feeling that you’re running out of time. This keeps on going for a long time and you feel that you’re wasting this time. The life that you have is not the one that you want. And I don’t mean your whole life, but those things that are important to who you are don’t go as you want them to. Well, there were a couple of moments in my life when I was up against exactly this. The first one was after my burnout, the second one was after my divorce and the third one was after a long, stressful period of unfulfilled work. I mean the moments are terrible, but the fact that you cannot find what you love and really get peace out of that is frustrating. And a little bit of frustration is fine, but this kind of frustration is really demotivating and destructive in the way you think and how you perceive the world. It makes you pessimistic and your humor changes. Even if you get out of bed and think you can change your day, before you enter your bed again, you know that the day was wasted. Nothing of value happened and you know life just passed you by. After the third time, it really hit me and I really knew that I needed to figure out a way to not experience this pain again. I wanted to take a chance, I wanted to feel excitement again and explore. I really wanted to connect to the things I’m passionate about and the values that are close and dear to me. The great thing about those frustrating moments is that I learned so much. In hindsight though, not when I needed the experience the most. But now I restructured what I know and what I know about myself. And in this process, I really got to know the person I am. And it’s not a static person, it’s a person in a temporal frame, meaning that I changed in my lifetime. Each period in my life meant something to me and meant something to how I behaved. The things I’m passionate about change, but the things I value basically stayed the same. That’s how I knew that this should be my basis from where to explore and find my energy. If you know me you know that I do a lot of different things. From woodworking to origami. From drawing and painting on paper to doing it digitally. I am a writer, artist, music maker, music producer, guitar maker, woodworker, photographer, teacher, coach, maker, nerd, runner, beach volleyballer, father and so much more. And I love changing things when I feel I need something different. But just changing things doesn’t give me the peace I need. There needs to be structure. There needs to be a framework that guides me to where I want to go and to really give me that peace of mind when I focus on something. That feeling of fulfillment, of purpose. It took me years to get there, but, at least for myself, I figured out how to structure this. And I love it. Now that I am a new father I love it even more, because I know I can apply this way of thinking, this mindset, to raising my son. It’s a mindset of prototyping parts of life and really getting to know yourself in the process and what you’re passionate about, and why. And this comes naturally to children. But, unfortunately, along the way, we unlearn it. As I said, I am a two-year-old father, but with all the knowledge that I have of my life, I feel at home in my role. And I feel at home in the things I do and undertake. I really feel at home in the story that is still ongoing that is my life and the adventure that I’m still experiencing. And the beauty of it all is that I meet so many people that are exactly like me, that experience exactly the same pains and frustrations that I did. People who feel they need to do something with their creative energy, but cannot figure out how to apply it efficiently and in a way that gives them calm and a sense of purpose. And that feeling of fulfillment, when you help them with the Prototyping mindset and framework, and it really helps them figure things out, is just the best feeling ever. (Photo: talking about the Prototyping Mindset, taken by Andere Fotografie, 2022)

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